shimmerytink86

12:54 pm: complicated emotions...
well, okay, so i went to the Just Six Spaces show yesterday afternoon to see Mitchell and Steve play. It was at Big Nicks Salloon on bustleton ave and they were amazing. they are soooooo awesome live. anyway, when we got there (davina, bren bren, and mike weldon came too), mitchell informed us that they had Red Bull on tap at the bar...well...because bren bren has gotten me so into that stuff, we all gulped down quite a few of them, and i must say, it does get you hyper! so because i was so hyper, i ended up doin something i regret. i told mitchell i liked him, but i told him in a way i didnt want to. i was like "so yeah i like you, i have for a while. i didnt wanna tell you. okay im done" and that was it. haha. oh wellz. i dont regret telling him, cause eventually i would have had to, but i didnt wanna tell him like that... well, i guess there isnt anything i can do about it now. right? right. i was on the phone with my friend matt last night. hes in delaware on an internship, and we were talkin about the show i went to. and he was laughin so hard that they had red bull on tap...i mean, who in their right mind actually has red bull on tap and only charges one dollar per glass...thats craziness. i mean, the can in a store in 2.11. haha. anywayz, im out. i dont feel like typin anymore. haha. byes!

02:55 pm: just realized that summer is half over...

how much does that suck!? summer is half over already. god...that blows...like majorly blows. lol. well, today i started a full out cleaning on my room, cause it needed it. i threw out a lot of stuff. im determined to be organized and clean going into college. it sounds kinda weird, but whatever. i want college to go right.

other than that, ive had something on my mind for quite some time now, and its really getting it me. i dont really wanna explain all of it tho. but its been bugging me so much to the point where im sick. my head is throbbing and wont stop, my stomach hurts, i feel a lil weak...it sucks. and i gotta work tonight ew! i have to leave in half an hour to go to work.

hmmm...lets see....what else....oh yeah, Just Six Spaces (mitchell and steves band) has a show on sunday at Big Nicks Saloon on bustleton ave. very exctied about that. me, davina, stacey, bren bren, and mike with the pink hair are all going. it should be a very fun time. dont know what else to write about...so im outie. love y'all

12:02 am:

Okay, so there is something ive been meaning to talk about for the past couple days, but never got around to it. I had a huge situation happen between me and bill the other day. It really took a tole on me. i didnt know how much i affected him. We dated back in december and january and it was really fun...but things werent working out, so we called it quits. Ill be honest, there have been times where ive missed him, but him and i only work as friends. Apparently he thinks differently. I fight with him all the time about not openning up to me about stuff, and him always holding things in and thats bad to do so i wanted him to open up and talk about stuff that was bothering him. Now i know why he didnt, cause half of it had to do with me. So on sunday we talked about everything cause something came up. and i asked him if he was going to T.I. to get us completely apart...and he said no but he was hoping he would be go long enough to lose feeling for me, and then i said "are u going to T.I. because of me" and he went "no, you're the reason i havent gone yet" we continued to talk about it and i asked why he didnt tell me in the first place that he was going to T.I...why did he have to make it such a big secret. and he told me that its cause whenever he tries to get close to me, i run. and whenever he tries stepping back i cry, so he was just trying to slip into the darkness. i didnt know how much i affected him. its really been bothering me. then he said, and i quote "i never give anyone a second chance but i gave you one and i was left still licking my wounds and then when i was upset it felt like you were pouring salt in my already burning wounds and when i snap i was left as the bad guy, i was left as the one who did wrong. and now when im just trying to walk away, i cant, im still sitting here not able to." i dont know what to do...i feel horrible...its killing me. i feel like ive destroyed a part of him that will never heal. i wish there was something i could do about it. i really do. but i dont know that there is. and its gonna continue to bother me until it changes, so everyone, be prepared for this to bother me for a very very very long time...

01:19 pm:

well, today was supposed to be all fun and stuff. Mav, Jim and i were all supposed to go see Spiderman 2 and then mav was gonna go home cause hes all sunburnt and didnt wanna be out in the sun. and jim and i were gonna go swimming and just chill....but of course, mav goes to pick up jim and he isnt there...hes out. he said he was gonna be playing baseball today with some friends in the morning, but he still isnt back. hes never late like this. so todays plans are down the drain and im pissed to an unbeknownst level. whatever.

anyway, other than that...things are alright. i did something to my arm and i dont know what it is. i either bruised a bone, or i have carple tunnel...not sure which one yet. im gonna go to the doctors soon i think if it doesnt let up in a couple more days.

tomorrow i gots work, then thursday im seein mitchell again to try and do this whole stereo thing again and then at night im going over to Penn State Abington cause my friend Billy who i havent seen in a really long time is gonna be there taking a wrestling camp so im gonna get to see him for like an hour or so. YAY!

other than that, not much is going on. ill write more later i guess. love all of you! hehe

01:39 pm: im overly tired...

well...as the title mentions...im tired. im workin 4 or so days a week, getting up early and going to the gym constantly, not getting enough sleep, and laying in the sun a lot! anywayz, times have been good i guess. i saw mitchell last week which was awesome cause i havent seen him in a super long time. so we chilled for a couple hours and im gonna see him again this coming week. His band, Just Six Spaces, is startin to get some good gigs. he was telling me about them. so thats good. im really happy for them. Jim and i started chillin again which is really cool cause hes an awesome guy and i havent seen him since we broke up. Pat and i ended what we had because we are too different and we know nothing about eachother. it was for the best. My brother is moved back in!!!! YAY! im so excited. i love having our brother and sister talks about life and relationships and beer and stuff late at night. its so fun. well...hmmm....lets see...what else....ah yes, i leave for the cruise to canada on July 25th and im oh so excited because davina is coming with my family. its gonna be soooooo much fun. hmmm what else? oh i have no idea...ill update more laterz! love y'all! **hugz**

06:37 pm: update time...

so...okay...well...the shore was fun. i got a tan. the boys came down for a day. we went to olive garden. and hung out. end of story. lol.

yesterday some people came over and we went swimming and ate cheesesteaks and talked. doug came which rocked my socks cause i havent hung out with him in a while. he threw me in the pool several times. lol. it was quite fun. mitchell was supposed to come...but he couldnt :( that was sad cause hes my buddy and i love him and i havent seen him in a year, however i talk to him almost everyday...its weird. lol

i just got into a fight with my brother over the dumbest thing ever...lol. but whatever, i dont even care anymore.

oh crap...just remembered i gotta stop by Dougs work before i pick up davina! whoops. oh geez, next week i have so much crap to do. im playin pool with bill...well, hes gonna teach me how to play pool, and i gotta get together with mitchell at some point, i gotta work out with my mom the next time im gonna go to the shore. and then july 7th thru the 11th my friend billy who lives in jersey is gonna be at penn state abington for a wrestling camp so ill get to see him! totally completely pumped about that! hes a good guy. great friend to have around. *hugs for billy* lol.

work is goin pretty well i guess. my manager is leavin right after halloween...so thats when my 2 weeks notice goes in...along with half the staff. lol. we love our manager rob...hes the greatest. well...i think im gonna be off. i got shit to talk. byes

07:17 pm: Leavin for a while...
Well, just so there is no freak misunderstanding that i died or something...i figured i would let the minimal amounts of people who actually read this thing, that i am going away for a while and will update next week. I am going to the shore with one of my best girlies, Cathy. Cant wait!!!! hehe. Pat met my mom today and she liked him. She loved the fact that hes smart and he loves english. lol. my mom is such a nerd, but its okay cause i <3 nerds! hehe. well, ill miss you all...ill miss you pat and our fun cute conversations every night...ill miss you davina and our fun conversations about usher dropping his pants...ill miss you jmac and your funny stories about meatloaf...ill miss you stacey while ur in brigentine being bored out of your mind...ill miss my crew...soooooo much. i love you guys! **kisses to durkin**

10:24 pm: another night...another grad party...
it seems like they are constant these days. everyone is having parties and i know its cause we arent all ready to leave eachother yet. :( im gonna miss my girlies like sooooo bad. you know, i always bitched about basils and how hard it was and how much i hated it...and i did...but im really gonna miss it. ive finally realized that it was the best place for me to bed and that i made some amazing friends that better be friends forever. awwwww i love you girlies. remember the white and gold forever! GO PANTHERS!

moving on...work sucked. it was 8 hours of nonstop balloons. i have cuts on my hands from the scissors and rob was in a pissy mood. i dont wanna work for someone who is in that bad of a mood almost all the time. i know he is has so much going on right now that he is taking care of, but its just crazy.

anywayz, bren bren gave pat the "boyfriend questionaire" last night and pat left with the stamp of approval! GO PAT GO PAT ITS NOT UR BIRTHDAY BUT GO ANYWAY! lol. he answered the questions perfectly, and the best part is, all his answers were the truth. pat is just...hes amazing :)

bren bren just IM'd me to tell me he went and saw Stepford Wives tonight and that he thinks it was aimed towards 40 year old women, so he felt out of place. hes such a weirdo. what a waste of 7 bucks. lol. ah, gotta love bren bren. seriously, that kid has added so much happiness to my life. movie days, carmen hang outs, walkin around, liquid smarties, double stuffed oreos, the whole bit...i love that kid!

01:45 pm: Bored...
Okay, so i dont think ive ever been this bored in my life. I wanted Pat to come over today to meet my mama, but that didnt work out to well. and then tonight we are all supposed to be hanging out again, but i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont know who im pickin up and when...im so confused. im lost...and its not fun at all. :( i dont like being lost and confuzzeled. its not fun. i was planning on driving over to pats today cause im so bored, but then i was like "wow, thats the most pointless thing ever cause i think im supposed to pick up stacey before davina" so im lost AGAIN! then we are supposed to go play miniture golf, but that doesnt look too bright either considering the damn weather outside...grrrr. so confused. well...im out cause im pissed. lol. byes

10:59 pm: I have achieved sublime happiness...
I always used to think that achieving sublime happiness was next to impossible... my thoughts on that have changed. You need to not look for it, and then you will get it. I wasnt looking for a boyfriend, and yet i found one. I actually wanted a break from guys for a while, and just from relationships in general, then along comes this guy, who just blows my mind. How can someone be that amazing and not be full of themselves? He is such a down to earth, funny, sensual, amazing, super stellar cool guy. Yes pat, you got super stellar cool. His smile...it melts me. His hair...so fun! His eyes...they say so much. His hugs...perfect. His soft kisses...weak in the knees. The way he looks at me...couldnt ask for more. Its insane how so much can be felt in such a short period of time. Tonight, i asked him to sign my yearbook...and it practically made me cry the happiest tears of my life. He wrote "your eyes are beautiful. I think of them often." and then something to the extent that he isnt one for words, but then again words cant explain how much he feels for me already. It was so sweet. We were laying on davinas couch waiting to help her mom move furniture, and i was laying there lookin at him and i couldnt help but smile. Its the most amazing feeling, and i hope we last for a long time. I pray that its gonna last...that its gonna go the way i want it to...that he will be in my life for a long time to come...thats our feelings for eachother only grow stronger...instead of fade away. I pray everyday for that...and i will continue to pray everyday for that. **kisses** im out for now. bye byes

10:26 pm: Over the past several months...
It's been a long time since i last updated. sorries about that. i guess u could say that i was just so into life and all that it has to offer, that i didnt feel like wasting 15 minutes writing about it. haha. so much has happened...so so so so much. Jim and i broke up...which is a good thing. We both have some many things in our lives that need to be taken care of and being together just kinda put those things on hold. Hes a great guy tho. *hugz for jimmy*. Prom was freakin amazing! i loved it. Bren Bren went with me for the sole reason that he is beyond cool. lol. Love you bren bren! best friends forever! then graduation...holy shit...graduation...it was so fun yet very sad. i didnt think i was gonna cry at all, but i definitly did. i think what struck me was that im not gonna see the same people 5 days a week 6 hours a day...but life is a constant change and ya gotta go along with that change and accept it, or else life is no fun. lol. and u only have one life to live, so why not live it to the fullest potential possible? yeah...go smart me! lol. Ive been hanging out with Davina and stacey a lot more. and im very happy about that. those girls rock my socks. they are so much fun. there is never a dull moment with either of them. ever...and i really do mean ever. lol. Davinas bf Jim is awesome...he is the sweetest guy to her ever. she is so happy and i hope they stay together cause finally seeing her this happy, makes my life...seriously. she means the world to me...and i dont know how i would get thru certain things if she wasnt here. u know how it is. Love you girlies! hehe. Well, i met one of Jims friends (jims nickname is jmac just for the record). well, i was like instantly attracted to him. hes so amazing. His name is Pat, but everyone calls him durkin. we've hung out a fair amount since i met him and im so happy its crazy. yesterday, we were at davinas, and i was laying down with him, and just having his arm around me i felt so safe and so at ease which is a feeling i dont normally experience. i really hope it lasts with him...i really do. Hes got the most amazing smile and the greatest hair ever...its nice and fun and shaggy and curly! whoo hoo! but his smile...wow...it melts me when i see it. it really does. ::sigh:: i gotta go...lol...im gonna start daydreaming or something. i cant wait to hang out with the whole motley crew again (me, davina, stacey, jmac, and durkin)...hehe. i cant wait! oh and i leave tuesday for the shore...oh so fun! cant wait...cathy is coming...stacey is up in the air right now cause there is a lot going on with her family at the moment and it might be better that she stay home in case of something. But cathys bf ted, and durkin are gonna come down for a night possibly. FYI: the parentals will NOT know about that because they would strangle me and disown me....600 times! dead serious. well, im outie. love y'all! until next time...*muahz*

05:16 pm: a lil update...
well, heres a lil update i guess....

1) i got into holy family university and i got a scholarship!!!! YAY! absolutely cannot wait to go. college is gonna be so awesome...its my starting point to making 200 grand a year in my own doctorite practice in psychology! GO ME!

2) my family leaves in 23 days to go to the U.S. Virgin Islands, Saint Thomas to be exact! CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT EITHER!!!

3) Jim and i are doing awesome. he is so much fun to be around, and im either always laughing, or always smiling when im with him. I dont know what it is...but there is something about him that always makes me weak in the knees. wow im corney. hehe. we can just be simply watching a movie, or doing nothing, and im completely satisfied with that. this weekend we are going to the Flyers vs Rangers game in the superbox that Deloit and Company owns...my daddy got tickets. hehe.

4) School has been going well. Really stressful, but i gotta get thru highschool to go onto college. It's amazing how important school is starting to seem, but i guess you dont get anywhere if you dont go to school...thats what it seems at least. My grades this year are so awesome. The best ive had in all four years...I'm so proud of myself! hehe.

5) I got back on friday from Kairos, my senior retreat, it was in this huge shorehouse right on the beach in jersey. it was sooooo awesome. it was from tuesday thru friday and minus the fact that i got barely any sleep, it was prolly one of the coolest times ever. it sounds semi corny, but it definitly put my faith into prospective. like i really know where i am right now...i know where my faith it and stuff like that. i dont know, it definitly brought me closer to God.

6) Prom is coming up and i cant wait. I'm taking my friend Brendan O'Hara because Jim and i discussed it and its best if he doesnt go because of prior circumstances. He said he just wouldnt feel right, and thats fine with me. I will have an awesome time with him

7) senior week is gonna be held at my shorehouse for a select few friends. Davina, Stacey, and maybe Cathy. we dont know yet. But its not expensive and we will have a ton of fun!

well, im out for now. gotta go get a school project done. BYES!

04:21 pm: so confuzzeled
so im sitting here, right now, thinking about many things. but the worst one is that my best friend is disappointed in me. i hate it. i wish she wasnt. i understand where she is coming from, but i cant help how i feel, and neither can jim. it just turned out this way. i wish she wasnt mad. i know she doesnt think him and i are a good idea, shes voiced that a lot, but neither of us can help it. when we hang out together, we are always happy and we have awesome phone conversations and everything. i love being around him and i just wish that she could see what i see in him. a nice caring sweet down to earth funny good looking italian guy. he tried talking to bill about everything, but bill just wouldnt listen and wouldnt talk to him...so its gotten to the point where the only thing we can both say is "whatever." oh well...it will all work itself out. i just hope keira doesnt stay mad at me and still loves me as a fellow dirrty girl. i love you keira, so much.

11:56 am: just another old day
well, im sitting here...at home...at the computer...trying to figure out what the hell time i'm leaving to go play pool with jim and tim. i cant wait to go. i love getting out of my house, and hanging out with those guys. they are so much fun. im talkin to bill right now, about stuff that ive heard going around that hes said. whether its true or not, i dont know. but im barely letting him get a word in edgewise. lol. i wish kate and keira were here right now, they would know exactly what to do. well, i got information from holy family today, and im turning my application in on monday. i hope i get in. i dont know what it is about montco, but i just didnt like it. its weird, when i had a journal on teenopendiary, i never wrote this much, but here i am writing in this one a lot more. i dont know why tho. bill and i are at least being civil about this, but im still not 100% cool with him. im really upset about some of the stuff hes said. well, jimmy just called and him and i are talkin about what the dealio is for today. well, im off. love ya all!!! kate is my sexy lover and so is keira....so it might be easier to just have a three some

03:47 pm: responsibility
this is gonna be a short entry, but ive started to realize how much more responsibilty comes each year. within the matter of 12 months, you can go from being treated as a child, to being treated as an adult. take for example, driving. out of no where you now have 2, sometimes 3, more expenses on your hands....gas, insurance, and sometimes repairs or oil changes. think about the difference between senior year of highschool, and freshman year of college...all of a sudden, u can move out, you have books to pay for that are so damn expensive, no one makes sure ur homework was done, you can skip class and no one has to know about it, ever....everything then depends on you. sure, a lot of people have the luxury to turn to mom or dad or both for money for books or something, but all in all, ur own your own. the last month of senior year you werent...now, 3 months later, all of a sudden, ur an adult...with more expenses than you care to handle. well, now im done...i have to go get ready for work. bye byes.

01:51 pm: fun fun fun times...
so its been a while i guess you could say. things got hectic with midterms and college and all. well, i didnt get into temple, and im pretty upset about it, but i am applying to Holy Family University and i really hope i get in there. My parents want me at MONTCO, but i personally do not wanna go there. there was something about it when i visited that i just didnt like...i dont know...whatever. well, bill and i broke up mid january...and it was for the best. he worked too much, we didnt see eachother that much, and there were a bunch of other reasons that i dont feel like getting into cause well, its not many other peoples business. ive heard hes said some mean shit about me behind my back, and thats just stupid and childish and i couldnt care less. lol. i mean, if he is gonna be like that, then so be it. i just wont associate with him. tomorrow im hangin out with jim and tim and it should be a fun time, i think we are going to go shoot some pool. they are gonna try to teach me how to...cause well, i know how to play, but im awful at it. lol. but thats okay, not too many people are that good at it anyways. yesterday i got the surprise of the century! kate called when she got out of school and she came over. she was in the neighborhood! i was so excited. it was weird seeing her on a weekday during the school year, we never see her then. but we talked for a while about some situations and then we talked about mark, her 28 year old boy. lol. hes an interesting person to say the least. lol. he was cool. anyway, then we called keira and we hung out with her for a little while. well, i must go now, cause i gotta get some stuff done before i have to go to work tonight. i cant wait until tomorrow. i love hangin out with jim and tim. they are so much fun. hehe. well, im outie. i guess ill write more in this thing laters. byes!

10:44 am: My Christmas VayCay
Well, it has been really awesome to say the least. but its quickly coming to an end :( so, ill update ya on what ive done. on the 27th i went with keira to pick up patrick at the airport and then i went to a family party out in west chester. it was pretty fun. Then, on the 28th i dont really remember what the hell i did...i think i had work. lol. then on the 29th i spent the day with kate and keira and patrick and slept over keiras. they came with me on the 30th to pick up bill so he could come with my family to this huge christmas light display at Longwood Gardens and then out to dinner. it was the greatest time ever. then on the 31st i worked 8 hours then chilled with keira and patrick and all. then on January 1, 2004 hehe...keira patrick me and bill had a double date...we went to the movies and then ice skating at riverview rink off of the delaware river by penns landing...it was sooooo much fun! then on the 2nd, i just hung around the house and slept a lot cause ive been so low on sleep. then today, im just gonna chill...maybe ill go to bills for a couple hours...maybe not, i dont know. then sunday im workin all day, monday i start back to school but im off on tuesday for some ukraniana holiday so im spending the day at bills. so now y'all are updated. hehe. well, to say the least, bill is sooooo amazing. i cant get it out of my head how lucky i am. he makes me so happy and so comfortable and we have the same views on a lot of things which makes it ten times easier. well, im outtie...i need to eat something or im gonna be sick. hehe. love y'all!

10:13 am: Well...hopefully, life goes on...
today is a rough day for one of my friends...someone is coming to visit her and she isnt sure how she feels about them anymore...and it is making things difficult. i am leaving in a couple minutes to go pick her up so we can go pick him up at the airport. i hope this week goes well and doesnt turn into a colassal mistake.

on another hand, bill and i are together and i couldnt be happier. he is so amazing and so funny and i am so happy. he got me the sweetest thing for christmas. he got me this heart that he got engraved with our nicknames on it and the day we started going out and then he got me the al green cd ive been freakin out over cause i lost it! hehe.

well, i gotta go. i gotta go to dunkin donuts before i get my girlie. love ya!!!